This is like a flashback

Yesterday it was a year since I left university. It's gone insanely fast but apparently I've done quite a lot in this time:

1. I applied to go back to college.
2. I dyed my hair red.
3. I got a job temping for 2 days. This then got extended to 2 weeks. Then until the end of summer.
4. I got into college.
5. I decided not to go to Leeds fest.
6. I decided not to go to college.
7. I was offered a permanent position at the place I had been working at over summer. I accepted.
8. I decided I wanted to make jewellery, so I taught myself.
9. I decided I wanted to sell my jewellery, although other than coming up with a name nothing else has really happened with this yet.
10. I got moved from my original admin role at work to doing product development and I love it.
11. I became friends with a bunch of new people who are amazing.
12. I got my best friend back which is awesome.
13. I turned 20.
14. I dyed my hair brown.
15. I went to the races for the first time ever and loved it.
16. I went in a limo for the first time ever and I still don't understand what all the fuss is about.

I think this summer could be seriously fun. This past year has been a good one I think. I've never been so sure that dropping out of university was the best decision I ever made.

Come here baby I will show you what this girl can do

I've always lived in the shadow of my brother, and that's fine because he really is amazing. There isn't much he can't do. Ten years ago I tried to do better than him, but it never worked. Five years ago I gave up trying, I just didn't see the point; I'd never be anywhere near as good as him at anything. Then I grew to accept it.

I'm kinda short (5'2") and so people tend to treat me as though I am a lot younger than I am. Which I'm used to now, but every now and then I shock people. My actions show people that I'm not the little girl that they like to think but a woman with valid thoughts and feelings.

I've finally got that urge back to prove myself. Not to try and do the same things as my brother but to do the things he's never tried, the things he would never think to try and the things that shock people. I feel like I've been underestimated for most of my life and for a while I figured that meant I didn't need to try or that I didn't need to try very hard. Now I figure that if I'm going to do something I may as well do it properly, and that is exactly what I do.

You're only a failure...

Sometimes I do really stupid things. I mess up a lot, I'll quite happily admit this. Everytime I do something wrong I learn for it, move on and don't do it again.

However a friend of mine makes the same mistakes repeatedly and it's starting to grate on me. It's hard to be there for someone when they're upset about the same thing time and time again. Especially when it's self-inflicted. I wish they'd learn but they just don't. Not only that but it is never their fault; someone else is always to blame.

I read this thing a few years ago. It said "you're only a failure when you start blaming those around you". I may have messed up a lot more than this friend of mine, and I may have messed up on a larger scale but at the end of the day I can hold my hands up and take responsiblity for my actions. I feel kinda sorry for my friend, because they never can.

Well she always knows her place, she's got style, she's got grace, she's a winner. She's a lady.

I'd never refer to myself as a lady, unless I was laughing at myself, but I'm not the sort of girl that you see falling out of pubs and clubs with their arse hanging out, throwing up all over the pavement. I like to think I'm a bit more classy than that. I'm not the sort of girl that a guy would ever be scared to take home to his mother, infact mums in general seem to love me.

I know I could be a hell of a lot worse, but I would like to be a lady. Not 100% of the time. I don't think I could handle that, but I'd love to act properly in situations that require it. It would just be nice to not make a dick of myself in meetings at work.

I want this more than life...

It's coming up to a year since I dropped out of university, moved back home and got a job.

At the time I intended to go back to college and do some more exams so that I could go to university to do a course that I wanted to. This idea got thrown out of the window in September last year. Then I started to feel a bit lost. I needed something to do, something to cling onto, something to be passionate about, something that was just mine.

I started looking at evening classess for inspiration. I saw a course in jewellery making and something about it just caught my imagination. It didn't start for months and I couldn't wait. So i spent an absolute bomb on all the things I needed. At the time I thought "this could be a complete waste of money" but it wasn't.

I found something I was good at by chance and it felt amazing. I wondered if it was a phase and that I'd be over it in a month, but I'm still making things now. The buzz I got the first time I made something was incredible, and I still get that now.

I've been stopped by strangers to ask me where I got my jewellery and they look stunned when I tell them I made it. Nothing can wipe the smile off my face for like a week after that. Then they ask where they can buy it from. I hate having to say that I don't sell my stuff.

I'm doing a degree in business with the Open University. I figure it'll come in useful when I've set up my business. I hope I get there. I really do.